Posts tagged as:

death of loved one

Missing Mom At Thanksgiving

by gloria on November 20, 2010

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It was my Mom’s too. My mother was a wonderful cook. Her turkey stuffing was simple but memorable. In fact, my brother used to tease that he was going to make a stuffing sandwich with the leftovers the next day. I think he really did. It tasted even better on day two.

My Mom died the day before Thanksgiving in 1979. Every year since that time Thanksgiving has been bitter sweet for me. It is still my favorite holiday because of the family togetherness and wonderful feast, however it also reminds me of my Mom’s death too. One of the wonderful things that commemorate my mother’s life is that making her special stuffing has become a family tradition.

No matter how fancy the food, her simple recipe is reproduced and eaten with gusto. Over the years my son has taken on the job of creating this dish and does it with love as he remembers his grandmother too. Of course my mother has been gone a very long time, and I no longer grieve, but it is comforting for me to think of her as we are gathered together. Her spirit is always in my heart and I recall how she bustled around making sure that everyone was stuffed and happy.

Whenever I feel sad I try to practice the advice of a wonderful teacher and author, Ken Keyes, who said, “To be upset over what you don’t have is to waste what you do have.” Ken was the personification of that thought. He was a quadriplegic who could only move one finger. Yet he radiated love and light and inspired thousands of people.

When I feel carried away by my negative feelings such as loneliness, grief or hurt I talk to myself out loud and make a list of what is in my life right now that cheers me up. I usually start with the basics, with being grateful that I have a bed to sleep in, a roof over my head and money in my wallet. I keep listing until I realize that I also have people who love me and appreciate me and I still have loving memories of the ones who are no longer with me.

Perhaps, like me, you have lost someone who was also a great cook. You might honor her by making her special dish and sharing it with friends and relatives. With each bite you can remember and thank that loved one. If you are still grieving make your own list of what you can be thankful for at this time of year and see if your mood shifts to see the brighter side of life.

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When the Crying Won’t Stop

by gloria on February 10, 2010

I recently met a woman I’ll call Anna who lost her spouse in a terrible accident ten years ago. Although time has passed, for her it is as if it happened yesterday. Whenever she remembers, as she does every day, she can’t help but weep.

Anna wanted to tell me her story, and as she started to speak she was so overwhelmed by her pain that she could only sob. I knew that reliving the moment over and over keeps the wound open, and this is harmful physically, emotionally and spiritually. Therefore, I showed Anna a simple acupressure technique for lessening the pain. It is called EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).

EFT is a rapid way to eradicate negative emotions. You can perform EFT, any time and anywhere when you feel out of control. When you are feeling upset, and especially if you are crying, the body tightens, and you may experience tension in your stomach, neck or shoulders. This results in restricted breathing.

Begin by taking a deep breath to rate how distressed you are from 1 to 10. The deepest, most satisfying breath you are capable of is rated 10. Anything below an 8 indicates that you need this quick grief reduction treatment.

1. Take a deep breath. Rate the depth and pleasure of your breath from 1 to 10.

2. If your rating is 8 or less, rub or tap along the outer edge of your hand below the little finger and say this 3 times: Even though my breath is constricted, I am releasing grief and tension now.

3. Using your index and middle finger, gently tap or touch the following acupressure points for only 3 seconds while you say or think, I’m releasing this sadness.

  • The inner edge of the eyebrow near the nose,
  • The outside edge of the eye socket,
  • Under the lower lid of the eye,
  • Under the nose,
  • Under the lower lip,
  • Under the collarbone,
  • On the side of the body about 4 inches under the armpit.

4. Take a deep breath and rate how satisfying it feels again.

Keep doing steps 2 and 3 until you are breathing deeply and pleasurably. You will notice that as your breathing deepens you will also feel calmer.

Since Anna could not stop crying at first, I asked her to start tapping the energy points as she told me what had happened. As she talked and tapped each point she gradually stopped crying and was able to talk clearly. By the end of her tale she was calm although still very sad. Overall she felt great relief.

Do this exercise one or more times a day to calm yourself any time you feel as if your despair is too much to bear.

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