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inner peace

Missing Mom At Thanksgiving

by gloria on November 20, 2010

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It was my Mom’s too. My mother was a wonderful cook. Her turkey stuffing was simple but memorable. In fact, my brother used to tease that he was going to make a stuffing sandwich with the leftovers the next day. I think he really did. It tasted even better on day two.

My Mom died the day before Thanksgiving in 1979. Every year since that time Thanksgiving has been bitter sweet for me. It is still my favorite holiday because of the family togetherness and wonderful feast, however it also reminds me of my Mom’s death too. One of the wonderful things that commemorate my mother’s life is that making her special stuffing has become a family tradition.

No matter how fancy the food, her simple recipe is reproduced and eaten with gusto. Over the years my son has taken on the job of creating this dish and does it with love as he remembers his grandmother too. Of course my mother has been gone a very long time, and I no longer grieve, but it is comforting for me to think of her as we are gathered together. Her spirit is always in my heart and I recall how she bustled around making sure that everyone was stuffed and happy.

Whenever I feel sad I try to practice the advice of a wonderful teacher and author, Ken Keyes, who said, “To be upset over what you don’t have is to waste what you do have.” Ken was the personification of that thought. He was a quadriplegic who could only move one finger. Yet he radiated love and light and inspired thousands of people.

When I feel carried away by my negative feelings such as loneliness, grief or hurt I talk to myself out loud and make a list of what is in my life right now that cheers me up. I usually start with the basics, with being grateful that I have a bed to sleep in, a roof over my head and money in my wallet. I keep listing until I realize that I also have people who love me and appreciate me and I still have loving memories of the ones who are no longer with me.

Perhaps, like me, you have lost someone who was also a great cook. You might honor her by making her special dish and sharing it with friends and relatives. With each bite you can remember and thank that loved one. If you are still grieving make your own list of what you can be thankful for at this time of year and see if your mood shifts to see the brighter side of life.

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A Wake Up Call

by gloria on November 1, 2010

As you read this, another election will have come and gone. It has been a time of high emotion and nasty behavior. Most of the political arguments I listened to rarely provided any facts to back up the rhetoric. They just served to inflame us.

I recently read a wonderful blog by Dr. Mary Klein, noted sex therapist writing about how the lack of scientific facts leads us to act in ways that create personal and cultural problems. He compared our lack of information about sex with our lack of information about our government and laws when he said,

“Americans argue about what we “believe,” abetted by organized religion, an Oprah-ized, feel-good psychology of entitlement, and “news” shows that ask viewers what they think. In grownup countries, that’s called gossip.”

In other words, we tell ourselves that what we think, rather than what we know, is the truth… so don’t ask us to supply data! We really don’t want to examine the facts so we rely on the people and infotainment on TV and the Internet that captures our imagination and lulls us into fantasy.

During these difficult times I keep remembering something an ancient Greek philosopher said over 2,000 years ago. “The unexamined life is not worth living.” After spending over thirty years counseling people I have realized that we live in a society that doesn’t encourage us to look closely at our society or prize self-examination. This leads to great unhappiness, depression and violence.

My goal is to help people examine their “unexamined lives” in order to change. In childhood, the commands we received from authority figures shaped us. If you were told to be good, what did that mean? In John’s family it means to act in ways that make Dad proud. John needs to be strong, not show his feelings, make lots of money, and freely criticize his spouse. For Jane it means not standing out, helping others rather than get her needs met, and making sure that her children don’t embarrass her in front of others.

Who is in charge of your life? When we harm ourselves trying to live up to other people’s expectations we often experience anxiety, anger, depression and loneliness. Using Energy Psychology techniques to explore these emotions and situations allows us to rapidly get in touch with our authentic loving self. We can get out of the prison of discontent we have been in for years, even though the door isn’t locked. And never has been.

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Be Here Now!

July 17, 2008

Almost every spiritual teacher I have ever come across talks about being in the NOW. Most of us know what it means intellectually, but rarely give it much thought or put it into practice.  Occasionally, I may be counseling someone who becomes extremely carried away emotionally. Sometimes they feel disoriented and detached from the here [...]

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