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shopaholic

Toronto Here I Come

by gloria on October 16, 2011

It is only a few more days and I am off to the amazing Energy Psychology Conference in Toronto Canada. Flying from very sunny California to the brisk Fall climate of Toronto always reminds me of my youth in NYC. I look forward to the chill air and being able to wear a parka.

Friends from all over the world will be there to share their expertise and creativity. I am delighted to be presenting a workshop about using Energy Psychology methods to treat Compulsive Spending and Debting. Unfortunately the medical and psychological community treat this addiction as if it were a joke, but we are a nation of spenders. We are spurred on by commercials and credit card companies to go out and spend. Even past President George Bush urged us to medicate the pain of the 9/11 trauma by shopping!!

I am going to explain that a stressed brain is a craving brain. We are all familiar with cravings for alcohol, drugs, food, and more recently computers, texting and Internet porn. It is time to realize that compulsive spending also wrecks lives. Spending addicts lie, cheat and steal to keep their addiction going. When I was researching my book, Born To Spend, I interviewed a woman who had embezzled money to pay for her spending habit and was going to prison the next day. I can vouch for the seriousness of this out of control urge to splurge since my own marriage to a compulsive spender led to bankruptcy and divorce.

If you can’t attend my talk you may want to read the book or listen to the audio version. Speaking of books, I promise that once I am back I will be launching my latest Ebook, Grownup Love: Getting It and Keeping It.

Keep tuned.

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How To Make Your New Year’s Resolutions Succeed

by Gloria on August 17, 2009

As the New Year begins many of us make resolutions for the coming months. One of the most common is to lose weight. Others want to stop smoking, drinking, spending, etc. Many, many years ago, when I lived in Los Angeles, the only support group for addicts was Alcoholics Anonymous. Around that time Overeaters Anonymous was created and then Narcotics Anonymous. Many of the AA superstar speakers offered to speak at these meetings to offer strength and hope to the members of the fledgling programs.

One of these very smart and inspirational people was a woman who started a 12-step meeting for any and all addicted folks no matter what they were addicted to. I think she was on the right track, since so many addicts keep “changing deck chairs on the Titanic”, switching from one substance or behavior to another.

My very first client after I set up practice was an alcoholic, drug abusing overeater. She bounced from one kind of binge to another and was never able to be completely abstinent. I specialized in eating disorders and soon discovered that many more of my overeating or bulimic clients were sober alcoholics too. They were not drinking but weren’t able to control their food binges.

Eventually I discovered that some were also shopaholics. In order to do research for my book about compulsive spending, Born to Spend, I visited Debtors Anonymous meetings, I noticed that the majority of DA members also belonged to AA or OA. 

The secret to controlling destructive compulsive activities lies in your ability to manage your Super Stress. Super Stress results when you feel helpless about a situation or relationship. The more helpless you feel, the stronger the urge will be to self medicate. If you stop one compulsion, you will most likely turn to something else.

Focusing on only one addictive craving may miss the boat. If you are allergic to strawberries and break out in a rash when you eat them, just applying lotion will not make the rash disappear permanently. You have to treat the origin of the rash to get total relief. Stop eating strawberries.

Here’s a quick way to get to the heart of your Super Stress. Ask yourself these questions when you want to break your New Year’s Resolution.

On a scale from 1 to 10 how strong is my craving for whatever I am trying to stop having or doing? Let’s say it is #8. Ask yourself, what in my life right now is upsetting me #8? What am I telling myself about this problem or situation that makes me feel powerless? What can I do about it?  When you take back the power over your life, you will have power over how you eat, drink or behave.

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