Desserts Is Stressed Spelled Backwards

The following is a chapter from the book Desserts Is Stressed Spelled Backwards, by Gloria Arenson.

Stress and Cravings

Millions of people in our society use or abuse food and spend years struggling with their weight. Very few of those who lose weight keep it off. In fact, over 90 percent of people who lose weight gain it back within 3 to 4 years! The weight loss business is one of the biggest industries in our country. Magazines are filled each month with articles about losing weight, and hundreds of books will tell you how to get it off. This book is not a book about food: what to eat and what not to eat. It is a book about STRESS. Stress creates cravings and cravings lead us to abuse many substances and activities in order to medicate the relentless need for gratification. Overeaters are sometimes also compulsive spenders, alcoholics or drug users. Alcoholics frequently crave sugar. Marijuana causes the munchies. Addicts often find themselves "changing deck chairs on the Titanic," going from one feel-good to another but still unable to stop the urge for some type of self medication.

Stress begins in the brain. You may be surprised to learn that hunger caused by low calorie diets, food deprivation and feelings of anxiety cause stress. The longing for relief from stress, whether physical or emotional, creates cravings. There are two brain chemicals that are involved in this problem, dopamine and serotonin. Dopamine is a chemical that is part of the pleasure circuit in the brain. Science now knows that many people with weight problems often have fewer dopamine receptors in the brain. People with this problem have a harder time coping with stress. Therefore, they instinctively turn to activities and behaviors that stimulate the production of additional dopamine in order to feel better. Eating Carbohydrates stimulates dopamine production. The craving is directed toward anything that will raise dopamine or anything associated with the anticipation of feeling good/pleasure. That is why dieters usually choose cookies over celery and carrots when they feel a craving.
But the relief of craving is temporary and is followed by the return of the physical or emotional stress. The stressful situation continues and the craving returns. Compulsive overeaters often turn to other activities or substances that make them feel good like: cigarettes, caffeine, or spending.

Another reason the cycle keeps going is that intense or prolonged stress lowers the serotonin in the brain. Serotonin is the chemical that creates a feeling of satiation or satisfaction that ends the craving cycle. Compulsive eaters, drug users, alcoholics, spenders, etc keep reacting to the urges that will raise the dopamine and bring pleasure. The feeling of “I gotta have it” doesn’t stop until the serotonin raises enough to offset the dopamine. Unfortunately, the brain does not have a system that automatically raises serotonin. At this time no drug seems to be able to stop cravings. The way to end craving cycles is for you to learn how to balance the dopamine and serotonin in your brain.

Therefore, the number one challenge for any compulsive eater is to reduce stress. We all experience stress in our lives each day. The kind of stress that leads to cravings and binges is what I term Super Stress. Super Stress occurs when you are plagued by a situation or relationship and feel powerless to change it. You may think, “Ain’t it awful and there’s nothing I can do about my situation.” This state of mind leads to great turmoil that leads to imbalance in the brain chemistry which leads to craving which leads to overeating.

The Downside of Dieting

Few of us realize that one of the causes of chronic stress is dieting! Researchers at Oregon Health Sciences University discovered that there is a mechanism in the brain that apparently memorizes and regulates a person's weight. It acts as a fat thermostat. During weight loss the body thinks it is starving or ill and it tries to prevent us from losing weight. This system may even cause us to put weight back on.

Additionally, hunger caused by the low calorie diets, and ongoing stress about weight have extremely negative consequences. Few people with eating issues can keep up the rigid requirements of diets that limit the amount of calories and kinds of food they can eat. Most of us think of a diet as temporary deprivation in order that we can go back to eating the way we used to eat before the diet.

During the weeks or months that you stay on an eating plan and see the numbers on the scale go down, the thrill of moving toward your goal may bring you joy. Meanwhile the body is actually experiencing stress. At the end of the diet, even though you are looking good, your stress hormones are reacting, and you may start to crave the kind of high carbohydrate or high fat foods that blunt the feelings of stress and make you feel better. The only trouble is that you will start to add the pounds back. It is a vicious cycle that repeats itself over and over again. We call that the Yo-Yo Syndrome.

It has been proved that certain activities are able to raise serotonin. Meditation can help as can biofeedback or neurofeedback that you can learn from specialists. Acupuncture is known to help with cravings. A new acupressure method called Emotional Freedom Techniques or EFT is a self-help method that I will teach you in this book to eliminate both Super Stress and cravings. Other ways to deal with life issues that create Super Stress are: 12 Step or support groups, Psychotherapy (especially Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), and Energy Psychology modalities.

The three most recognized eating disorders are compulsive overeating, bulimia and anorexia nervosa. These syndromes are the result of biological, psychological, and sociological factors. Compulsive urges to overeat or gorge and purge may arise as a backlash to strict dieting or fasting, but it is also the inadequate coping mechanism of many people whose lives are filled with stress and loneliness.

What is compulsion? How is it possible to understand this kind of behavior? Why do so many people feel like slaves to these bad habits, obsessing about what to eat, or how to prevent themselves from binging or purging? Compulsion is loss of control and continuation of the behavior despite harmful consequences. In other words, if you cannot control when you start or stop an activity you have a problem!

Compulsive behaviors alter your mood and lead to major life problems. Both binging and starving change brain chemistry. We all are familiar with the use of fasting during religious rituals and retreats to create changes in consciousness.
People with eating disorders are using pleasurable substances or behaviors to mask the pain of their lives. Gorging, purging and fasting are distractions from their real feelings. The obsession with food, weight, or exercise is a detour from feeling pain, anger, fear, and depression.

Don't Worry, Be Happy

Human beings have an innate aversion to physical or emotional pain. If we cannot avoid it, we will discover ways to lessen the discomfort. Society encourages us to use pleasure to mask pain or postpone the experience of anxiety, frustration or discomfort. Our national motto might well be: Don't worry… Be happy! As a result we encourage each other to eat, drink, spend, be sexual, get high, or escape. We believe in immediate relief and gratification. If one is good, more is better. Habits most associated with either strong feelings of pleasure or avoidance of distress are the most likely to develop into compulsions. Food is one of the most easily available and universally used substances that are abused.

Eating disorders arise when you learn to apply comforting activities involving food as solutions to life's problems, just as you apply a Band-Aid to a cut. But it is as if a person with an ulcer took an antacid; there is temporary relief, but the underlying condition remains and continues to flare up. By applying the same unsuccessful remedy of food as a temporary comfort over and over again, a new problem arises. The pleasurable act takes on a life of its own. The original situation that caused anxiety or discomfort is still there and now there is a new worry, addictive eating, purging by vomiting or abusing laxatives or starving.

Society tends to accept the abnormal as normal when it is common. We use phrases like "everyone is doing it" to absolve ourselves from guilt. We elect politicians or put our trust in religious leaders who tell us that they are upstanding citizens, and although we find out they are deceitful, dishonest, and often addicted to alcohol, drugs, and sex, we re-elect them or continue to support their ministries. How do we come to terms with these mixed messages? We learn to live in a state of denial. We tune out; we turn away; we avoid. Finally we forget, and forget we have forgotten.

During a televised sports show on a major network I saw a public service announcement showing a well known basketball star telling viewers to "Just say NO to drugs." This was immediately followed by a commercial for beer. Most people watching probably didn't notice the hypocrisy of the message. We were being told that although dangerous drugs are rampant in this country, beer doesn't count. "Crazy-making" messages that encourage us to eat, drink and indulge but to stay thin in order to be loved or accepted are a major cause of eating disorders.

Addiction to Feelings

Researchers Harvey Milkman and Stanley Sunderwirth believe that human beings crave three kinds of feelings: (1) relaxation, (2) excitement and (3) fantasy or oblivion. Each of us seems to enjoy one of these sensations more than the others; sometimes to such a degree that we create various ways to produce this feeling in order to replace discomfort or anxiety in our lives.

If you pleasure yourself by means of carbohydrate snacking, reading, TV watching, or using tranquilizers, you prefer a mellow, relaxed state for yourself. You may wonder at the people who adore roller coasters and thrills. These people enjoy feeling aroused or excited. They may find themselves drawn to sky diving, race car driving, compulsive spending, caffeine, cocaine, or gambling, while another segment of the population enjoys feeling oblivious to their surroundings and problems and may become addicted to "downers" or psychedelic drugs. Meditation is a wonderful tool for achieving a state of altered consciousness in which you reach another plane of awareness, but some people don't know how to create the experience in a healthy way.

The theory that we tend to become addicted to feelings rather than substances, explains why all the people I have treated for eating disorders suffer from more than one compulsive problem. We call this "changing deck chairs on the Titanic." Many of the bulimic women in their twenties and thirties who have come to me report that they are former drug users or sober alcoholics. They have just traded one compulsion for another. They also often abuse caffeine, cigarettes and spending as well. The majority of eating disorder sufferers seek relaxation or oblivion. Eating large quantities of sugary foods will produce a state of lethargy. The opposite is true for hypoglycemics. These people get "high" from sugar.

Virginia was what I called a "triple threat" client. She was addicted to drugs, alcohol, and compulsive overeating. Virginia told me her goal was to "not be." She craved the oblivion of unconsciousness to avoid the pain of a childhood of physical and emotional abuse. The most efficient way to accomplish this was by abusing drugs. When drugs weren't available, she would drink until she passed out. People like Virginia who want to avoid feelings and problems, also escape into sleep. Another method of achieving oblivion with drugs is to take flight into fantasy through compulsive reading or computer games. Computer hacks become so immersed in their fantasy world they don't hear anything going on around them and can sit at a computer terminal through the night.

Brain Chemistry is a Major Factor

Compulsions result from a combination of traumatic childhood experiences, a genetic predisposition toward compulsivity, and negative environmental pressures. It is possible that the reason some people prefer relaxation while others crave excitement or fantasy is differences in our brain chemistry. Scientists now know that electrical activity in certain areas of the brain is responsible for experiences of pleasure and pain. Addictive behaviors result from self-induced changes in brain neurotransmitters. Compulsive individuals repeat specific behaviors to bring about activity in the brain nerve cells that create intense feelings. Different behaviors or substances lead to different sensations.

A chemical called serotoninis synthesized in the brain and plays an important role in mood changes. Studies comparing the brain chemistry of people who died of natural causes with those who committed suicide show that those who took their own lives had much lower levels of serotonin. Lack of serotonin can affect your mood, producing irritability. An outstanding researcher in this field is Professor Richard Wurtman who has shown that serotonin is one of a number of brain chemicals affected by nutrients. Serotonin levels can be increased when a person consumes carbohydrates.

Doris, a bulimic, no longer used alcohol or drugs to dull her pain when she was unhappy and wanted to become oblivious to her surroundings and her feelings. She discovered that if she drank a quart of milk, she could escape into sleep. Milk contains tryptophan, an amino acid important in the manufacturing of serotonin.

Dr. Wurtman studied a group of obese students who were depressed and craved carbohydrates. He believed they had low serotonin levels and, although they were snacking on carbohydrates, their bodies were not producing a high enough level of serotonin to lift their depression. The students received a drug called fenflouramine, that increases serotonin levels. As a result, they significantly reduced their compulsive eating, and they felt less depressed.

The Carbohydrate Factor

Doctors Janice Keller Phelps and Alan Nourse, in their book The Hidden Addiction and How to Get Free, write that people who act compulsively or are addicted to substances are using these behaviors to get relief from depression. Continuous use of the substance or behavior wards off withdrawal or depressed feelings. They believe addiction arises from physiological or metabolic flaws in biochemistry that are usually genetic. Something may be wrong with the way the body of an addictive person handles sugar.

At times it is difficult to differentiate between the depression that results from biochemical imbalance and depression that results from the abuse of sugar, binge/ purge behavior or starvation. Does the abuse of food create the depression or does the food addict use these behaviors as self-medication for an existing state of depression? Perhaps both are true.

Food and the Family

Although researchers are discovering how important the physiology of the mind-body connection is in understanding eating disorders, a predisposition toward compulsivity does not guarantee that a person will definitely suffer from an eating disorder or addiction problem. One of the most important factors that interacts with biology and environment is childhood experience.

There are four types of family systems which are dysfunctional. If you are the product of one of these family types, you may still be suffering from the damage of your unhappy upbringing. They are: (1) Overachieving, (2) Judgmental, (3) Enmeshed, and (4) Distant. Your family may have combined attributes of more than one of these types. The result of growing up in one of these families is that you don't learn how to solve problems effectively, don't see how healthy people relate to each other, and may not have received adequate nurturing and acceptance. Therefore, you have formed a false self based on your unfortunate experiences.

Pressure to Achieve

The overachieving family strives for perfection. John Bradshaw often remarks in his workshop that some people grow up to become "human doings" instead of "human beings." The overachieving family pressures the child to achieve success. Each family defines success in a different way. In Maureen's family, success for women meant to be married to a successful man who made lots of money, while in Zoe's home, success meant being a college graduate. Barbie came from a family where the women were known for their looks and had won beauty contests or were professional models. Barbie had been a chubby child, and although, as an adult, she was tall and beautiful, her preoccupation with food and dieting in order to be thin enough to model and follow in her family's footsteps resulted in bulimia.

The commands of the overachieving family are often perfectionistic. A majority of young women with eating disorders have been told, "Make us proud of you!" Along with this is the demand to be a "good" child. What does a good child do? The child is supposed to already know the rules for being good, since they are seldom spelled out for her. These "good" girls have decided that they cannot let the family down. They must get excellent grades, never give their parents anything to worry about, never hurt anyone's feelings, and, of course, never get angry. They live by the belief, "what other people think is the most important thing." Appearances matter greatly. The pressure to achieve and look good at all costs made Kerry, an "A" student, cheat in high school in order to always come out on top.

The result of growing up in an overachieving family is the tendency to be highly self-critical and condemn yourself if you do not live up to the impossible standards you set. You don't realize that your expectations are irrational and unreachable because you are a result of your upbringing, and the environment of your dysfunctional family was the only model of the world you had. As a result you may be unable to give yourself credit for many of the wonderful talents and traits you already possess because you aren't perfect (thin enough) yet.

Never Good Enough

The judgmental family is one where everyone hears what's wrong with them, but rarely is told what is right with them. Judgmental parents often abuse their children physically or verbally. Discount and ridicule make the child feel small and helpless. No matter what she does it won't be enough. She can't get her needs met, no matter how hard she tries. Some of these unhappy children decide that they'll never be good enough and grow up settling for mediocre lives of quiet desperation. Others build a wall between themselves and other people. They are afraid to trust, so they become extremely independent and appear confident and successful, yet they constantly battle their inner guilt and shame which they cannot share with another soul.

In the unhappy setting of the judgmental family the commands are: "Don't do as I do, do what you're told," "Don't ask questions," and "Don't feel your feelings." The controlling family doesn't allow you to be you because the you that you are is not what pleases them. One common misconception is that feeling sad or crying is a sign of weakness. The message is, don't have these feelings. Anger is also a "no-no."
Judgmental parents say things like, "There's nothing to be scared of," "There's nothing to be mad at," "Why do you want to feel like that?"

Since you aren't allowed to feel what you feel, where do the feelings go? You bury them. Some people learn to eat to stuff them down. Anorexics numb their rage and despair through starvation. In their minds, to eat is to feel. Without anger you turn into a "people pleaser." Many obese overeaters use their fat as a protection or armor against the judgment and shame created in the family. Adults who grew up in judgmental families have very low self-esteem. These women often seek relationships with judgmental men or become co-dependents in relationships with other addictive people.

Whose Life Is It?

The enmeshed family is a clinging family. "All for one and one for all" could be its motto. An outsider looking at an enmeshed group may think they are one big happy family, but they aren't. Each member is a slave to the idea that it is "us against them," or "united we stand, divided we fall." Loretta's family brainwashed her to believe, "we are the only ones you can really trust. We'll always be here for you. There's no place like home." Yet each time that Loretta tried to find comfort and acceptance in the bosom of her family, she was verbally abused or discounted. Her father was usually unavailable because he was a workaholic. Her mother, a compulsive overeater and gambler, was either away playing cards or acted critical and angry. Love came in the form of food or money.

Members of the enmeshed family have no lives of their own. Privacy is not honored. John Bradshaw describes it like being in a room with the doorknob on the outside. Anyone can enter anytime, and there's nothing you can do about it. In a healthy family, it is like being in a room with the doorknob on the inside. You have control over your privacy and the degree of intimacy you allow. Clinging families believe that your business is everybody's business. Boundaries are gone. There are no secrets. Nothing can be withheld.

You don't get to have your own life in an enmeshed family. Instead, you may grow up believing that you are responsible for other people's happiness. Almost every person suffering from food addiction is trying to make mother or father feel good. John was 50 years old and still called his mother every day, like a dutiful child. Molly's elderly parents called Molly to solve their problems and mediate their fights. She had to drive one hour each way to their home, never hesitating when the call came.

Although she was acting like a "loving" daughter, Molly had to lose work time, and she neglected her husband and child while catering to her parents. People in enmeshed families never truly feel strong and independent. They may look grown-up and be geographically separate, but they are still bound by an umbilical cord of guilt and shame to their family.

Stay Cool

The distant family may also be an overachieving or a judgmental family. The hallmark of this system is a lack of emotional involvement. People don't act loving. They may be both physically undemonstrative, rarely hugging, kissing, or touching, and they may also refrain from verbal expressions of warmth and support.

When Lydia brought home "A's" on her report card her mother rarely praised her. So Lydia tried even harder to get a response. She graduated at the top of her high school class and was accepted by a prestigious college where she did outstanding work. Then she went on to an illustrious career. Lydia knew that her mother bragged about her daughter to her friends and neighbors, but Lydia never heard it. By this time Lydia was both an overachiever and overeater. How much would she have to do, how many honors would she have to earn in order to hear, "I love you?"

Bonnie came from an emotionally cool family too. Her family only hugged and kissed when people were getting on an airplane or arriving home from a trip. She was uncomfortable with physical touches yet yearned to be close to people. Bonnie developed a way of hiding her shyness by holding herself aloof. The other children in her neighbor-hood thought she was stuck up, but she was only hiding her fear of rejection. She spent many hours alone, fantasizing and eating.

Distant families avoid emotion. They may not express anger openly or talk about their feelings. They just go through the motions of living. Again, to the casual observer, they may appear as perfect as an episode of "Father Knows Best." On the surface everything looks wonderful and happy, but underneath the calm surface, the family members are in great pain because there is no intimacy.

Growing up in an inadequate family environment doesn't prepare you for dealing with life. When you find yourself in a high-risk situation or relationship you may be overwhelmed by feelings of pain or helplessness. Food abusers automatically turn to binging or starving in order to turn off their feelings and become numb. Many sufferers of eating disorders come from families where there is a history of alcohol, drug or food abuse or indicators of familial depression. The combination of: (1) a biological predisposition toward addiction, (2) an unhappy family history, and (3) a society which encourages us to feel good at any cost leads inevitably to compulsive and addictive behavior.

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