I have noticed that many EFT practitioners are offering what I call Tap-alongs in which the teacher or therapist provides common negative beliefs or thoughts that go with the problem at hand. When you first learned to ride a two-wheeler you may have had training wheels on your bike to keep you from falling down until you got the hang of things. I think that Tap-alongs are like training wheels.
I wonder if you have had the same experience as I did just recently when I listened to an extremely exciting speaker on a teleclass who took the audience through a Tap-along to release negative beliefs. We tapped three rounds without stopping as she suggested at least fifteen different statements to repeat along with her. I related to only two of the statements and felt a sharp jolt as I said them, since they really resonated with me.
As I said these two statements I realized that I truly secretly believed these limits on myself. However, I had no reaction at all when I stated the other thirteen that were offered and felt quite bored saying them. I made note of the thoughts that I related to, and when the class was over I tapped on them separately. As I focused on each one, new ideas related to that negative belief surfaced and vanished. I kept this up until I felt a wonderful release and a sense of freedom and empowerment.
Each of us is a unique being, and no one else has experienced your life but you. If you were tapping along on the teleclass I described perhaps you would have identified with different beliefs since your age, lifestyle, background, fears, anxieties and relationships are so different from mine. That is why when I work with a client I start with that person’s words, not what I think they are thinking or believing.
I remember a new client named Amy who had a very sad childhood. Her father had died when she was an infant and her stepfather was quite cruel. After she described the misery of her early years I suggested that she begin by tapping, “Even though I didn’t get along with my stepfather because he was so mean …. “She immediately interrupted me and said, “I hated them all. If I had a gun I would shoot them dead!” I will never forget the raw emotion on her face.
Those feelings were shocking but they were true so that is where we started. She tapped using her own words saying, “Even though I hated them all and wanted to shoot them dead and still feel that way when I remember what happened, I am doing the best I can now.” New realizations that were true for her and her situation kept surfacing as she tapped and continued to use her own words. It took very little time for her to move from rage to compassion for her mother, herself and her other siblings.
It was easy for Amy to get the hang of tuning in to her emotions or thoughts, even those that were unkind or hateful. If you don’t start with complete honesty with yourself and your true thoughts or beliefs you won’t achieve success with EFT. I get calls and emails all the time from people who tell me that they don’t know what to say to get started. Of course you know what to say, it is just that you are censoring yourself because you may think that it isn’t nice to think these thoughts or feel these intense negative emotions. But it is human!
Since you will most likely be tapping in a private place, you can tell yourself the truth. If you think it makes you a bad or immoral person that is the place to start tapping. Tap on your belief that you are “not nice” or are terrible for not being more understanding of others. Tap until you know that you are human and that is how humans feel or react sometimes. As you tap you may get in touch with anger toward the people who instilled these beliefs in you that have led you to not appreciate yourself. Tapping your truth will allow you to give yourself permission to be an adult who can decide for yourself what to believe and how to live your life authentically.
You may not need the training wheels after all.