Do you feel lonely even though you are married?
Are you wondering whether to leave an unsatisfying relationship?
Do you keep falling in love with the same type of person over and over again?
All of us dream of finding the perfect mate and living happily ever after, yet one out of every two marriages ends in divorce, and many men and women still in relationships are living lives of quiet desperation. If you keep falling in love with someone who is unable to communicate, is cold and critical, is an addict, is abusive, or unfaithful, you may be feeling like a victim.
Often these problems exist before marriage and they don’t go away. If you tell yourself that once you have the ring on your finger you will make the other one change, you are in for a huge surprise. What you see is what you get!
Dr.John Gottman has studied couples in a special laboratory setting and discovered that there are four relationship killers: criticism, contempt, stonewalling and defensiveness. What makes you turn into an angry or fearful person in yur relationship? You don’t do it on purpose. The answer is that your partner triggers your unhealed wounds of the past and you trigger his or hers.
That wonderful person you fell in love with keeps reminding your unconscious mind of the unloving or abusive parent, teacher or someone else from long ago. Their words, actions or body language set off a reaction in you that may stem from very early childhood. In that moment, a thirty-year-old reacts like a two-year old. That is why couples fight the same fights over and over again, year in and year out.
I have discovered an amazing visualization technique called the Phoenix Effect that heals the old wounds and eliminates the anger, fear and frustration that partners feel toward each other in minutes. The result is a new appreciation for each other, acceptance and caring.
It is faster and easier than conventional relationship counseling. I refer to this simple to learn process as the Phoenix Effect because, like the mythical bird that destroys itself in flames and is then reborn, unhappy relationships can be transformed once the negative emotions and beliefs are dissolved. Best of all, the Phoenix Effect does not require a lot of talk or investigation into painful past trauma.